Akatsuki Game Show
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Akatsuki has been challenged to a dual by Orochimaru and all his gang. They are going to battle it out in a game of knowledge and skill. What will the winner receive besides the satisfaction of pointing at the other team and laughing? Read and find out!
1. Chapter 1 The Game Show

Akatsuki Game Show

Hey Everyone! What happens when the leader tells Akatsuki they are going to be on a game show? Well they are going to have to study of course! And if you're going to be on TV you had better look good! I hope you enjoy this, Much Love – AkiraDawn

I don't own Naruto or any of it's characters

The door of the apartment peeked open. There stood the beautiful Marisol wear four inch stiletto heels, clenching a bag of lingerie, and looking as if her face was about to explode into tears at any moment.

"Marisol? Oh….oh god. You look like you're going to cry." Sasori said attempting to make grilled cheese in the kitchen. "Marisol, don't cry…don't…oh god. Marisol…I'm not good with girls who cry." Sasori was panicking and just as he quit panicking….she burst into tears.

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" but she just stood there in the door way.

"Oh shit…..Deidara! Deidara where the hell are you! Deidara get in here right now!" Sasori yelled.

"Hey Sasori Danna, what did you neeee….AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! WHY IS SHE CRYING! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD YEAH!" Naturally Deidara flipped out and ran to scoop her up. "Awwwwww, what did stupid Sasori do, yeah?" he asked her. Marisol's big blue tear-filled eyes looked into Deidara's. She whimpered as she spoke.

"It's….it' ……it's……it's not him…..Victoria's Secret doesn't like my size A chest. AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" And Marisol wailed away again."

"WHAT, YEAH!?!?!?!?" Deidara was fuming. He lead Marisol over to the couch. Of course Kisame was working on a scrapbook project for 'The Leader'. Deidara shoved everything off the couch and into the floor and sat Marisol down.

"That's okay Deidara, I wasn't working on a scrapbook project or anything." Kisame said sarcastically as Deidara took over the space. He then ran into the kitchen and pulled something out of the fridge.

"Here, baby. It's cookie dough dough, yeah." Sasori looked at Deidara he almost burnt the grilled cheese.

"Cookie dough dough?" Sasori asked. "Why the hell did you just call it cookie dough dough?" Now, Deidara was already pissed because someone had made his girlfriend cry…this didn't help any.

"Uh, hello! It's cookie dough FLAVORED dough. If it had been peanut butter flavored I would have said peanut butter dough, yeah. But, this is cookie dough flavored dough…cookie dough dough, yeah." Deidara tried to defend his answer but the defense was just completely stupid. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Sasoti answered continuing with the cheese.

"Now, I'm going to need the phone book , yeah." Deidara said still storming around fuming. "I'm just going to call those bitches at Victoria's Secret Headquarters and tell them they are a bunch of sorry ass good for nothing pieces of…" Deidara stopped flipping wilding through the pages of the phone book. "Okay so maybe their number isn't in this phone book, yeah! Kisame! Get me our laptop computer, yeah!" Deidara demanded angrily.

"Okay, Deidara first...you are a fucking idiot. Second, we don't own a laptop computer…third….well I don't' have a third." Kisame said. Sasori had his arms around Marisol as she slowly ate the cookie dough, She has finally stopped crying but now her face was red and her pretty eyes bloodshot.

"Well, well fine! I'll just write them on this paper towel, yeah! Okay, dear assholes at Victoria's Secret. I am no longer interested in your products because you fuckers made my girlfriend cry, yeah! There is nothing wrong with her breasts…" Marisol cut Deidara off.

"Oh my god! I'm going to have get breast implants now to launch my modeling career." Marisol started crying again. "And…and….and…then every time I go through those UV Ray machines at airports…..the security people will see that they're fake……and….and….and….I'll be known as the passenger with the fake boobs…AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Marisol's tears nearly ran into the cookie dough.

"Awwww, no baby. No, no,no baby." Deidara held on to her.

"Hey guys. I have an announcement from 'the leader'. Oh whoa…is she okay?" Zetsu asked entering the living room.

"She'll be fine." Sasori said dishing out grilled cheese to Zetsu.

"Oh, well okay. Anyway, 'The Leader' says that we're going to be on some trivia game show. I guess our dumb ass competitors are Orochimaru and his crew of losers." Zetsu said.

"You're kidding right? Why the hell do we have to go on this dumb ass game show?" Kisame asked.

"Supposedly Orochimaru has challenged us because it's revenge for winning his four-wheeler and selling it on eBay in that Super Bowl bet." Zetsu said.

"God, this means we're going to have to study." Kisame said. Sasori smiled shoving grilled cheese toward Kisame.

"That's not a problem. My girlfriend has a Ph.D she can help us study. She's coming in this weekend." Sasori said glowing with pride.

"So what does the winner get?" Kisame asked.

"A lifetime supply of microwave popcorn." Zetsu answered. Now of course Tobi heard the words 'microwave popcorn' and came bursting in to the living room.

"Microwave popcorn!?!?!? WHERE! WHERE! WHERE! WHERE! WHERE!" Tobi started running around in circles.

"Relax Tobi it was a false alarm." Sasori said reassuringly.

"Oh." Tobi's head sunk. But he was soon uplifted again when Sasori gave him grilled cheese.

"So anyway, 'The Leader' really wants us to do well. We're going to have to get busy studying….oh and Itachi hasn't had his medication this morning and there's a stain on the carpet in the hallway. I'm certain he'll go biserk." Zetsu said.

"Which medication, Dana did spend the night last night you know." Sasori said rolling his eyes.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS ON THIS CARPET!" And the prince had arrived.

"What did I just tell you?" Zetsu said. "Well, I need to go absorb some sunlight, I'm feeling less green today. Meanwhile, on the couch Marisol had eaten half of the cookie dough and Deidara had finished his letter to Victoria's Secret on the napkin. At least his angel had stopped crying now.

"Oh my god! You guys have like the best pool ever, yeah! Oh my god! Marsiol! What's wrong, yeah?" Dana pushed Kisame's scrapbook project off of the other side of the couch and sat down beside her to hear the story.

"Hey, I'm ready for this game show, seriously!" Hidan said walking into the living room with a stack of books. "Check this out 1001 things you never knew about Italy, Strange Facts about Undersea Life, The Big Book of States, and Car Repair for Beginners you know just in case they ask us about changing oil and stuff." Hidan said.

"Wow, that's a good start. Put those with Tobi's stupid books about bugs and we're on our way." Zetsu said.

"Tell you what let's make it our priority to win this game show. May Orochimaru and Kabuto will quit calling my cell phone." Sasori said finishing up the grilled cheese.


	2. Chapter 2 Study Hard

I apologize if there is a giant black line running through the middle of my paragraphs…..Ihave no idea how it got there….

"Yes, this is Uchiha Itachi calling about my order. Yes that's right the custom….what do you mean it's not ready! I ordered it six weeks ago! Listen it is very necessary that I get you hold on a moment." Itachi put the phone down because he was rudely interrupted by Madonna's classic hit 'Material Girl' blasting from the living room. "HEY! HEY DUMBASSES! SHUT THE HELL UP I'M ON THE PHONE!

"SORRY! WE'RE TRYING TO MEMORIZE THE WORDS TO MATERIAL GIRL SO WE CAN USE IT FOR THE GAME SHOW!" Kakuzu shouted back. Itachi resumed his phone conversation. However he didn't like the way it was going.

"Look, I have made a two-thousand dollar deposit and I think I deserve a faster response than this. I don't care if this is a unique order…you people are Tiffany and Co.! You're the fucking best in the business. Fine. Fine I'll call back in two weeks. Goodbye." Itachi slammed the phone down and joined everyone else in the living room. Kisame was getting ready to hand Itachi the 'Material Girl' lyrics but Itachi quickly held his hand up. "Hello!? I only know the words to this song frontwards and backwards. Deidara and I….you know what you don't really need to know about that. Besides we were drunk." It was all Itachi said about the matter.

"Okay we need to start studying for the game show, yeah. Which book do you want to begin with, yeah? Dana asked Itachi sorting through the stack of books.

"Hmmmm…let's start with the book about the State facts." Itachi said.

"Okay." Dana flipped through the pages. "Oh! Here we go! Okay, the capital of this state is Austin, yeah."

"Texas." Itachi answered.

"Good! Alright, this is the smallest state in the United States, yeah." Dana questioned.

"Rhode Island." Itachi answered.

"Good job, baby! Okay, this one is harder, yeah. This state was once famous for its 'gold rush', yeah."

"California." Itachi answered. This question and answer session would go on for most of the afternoon.

In Sasori's bedroom he was in the process of making his bed with borrowed sheets from Deidara and Itachi's room…with permission of course. It wasn't like they were just going to let Sasori have Nautica sheets. His phone rang and he had to put the pillow cases down for a moment. "Hey Lola, where are you honey?" Sasori asked her. She was apparently only five miles from the apartment. "Alright, well when you get to the parking lot let me know, I'll come down and get your luggage. Okay, bye." Sasori quickly finished the bed and hurriedly picked up the rest of the bedroom.

"So what I'm wondering Zetsu is if there are some kind of categories on this game show, you know? I mean it would be great to figure out so that way we could divide people into categories where they would be successful." Hidan said.

"You're right, hey maybe you and I could do some investigative work and try and find out what kind of format the game show will be in!" Zetsu said.

"So, do you think we should call the leader or something? He might have some details." Hidan said.

"Yes, let's get on it." Zetsu said. And those two took off to investigate more about this game show. Tobi was doing some studying of his own. Of course he went through all of his books and he could only find the 'Where's Waldo' books to help him study. How finding Waldo in a series of exciting scenes would help him for the game show was a mystery to everyone else.

"Okay, now Deidara this is a tricky one. Think about it before you answer. You've missed this one before. Okay, spell giraffe." Marisol said. Deidara took a deep breath.

"Giraffe, giraffe, giraffe. He said to himself. He took another deep breath.

"Okay…..giraffe…let's see, yeah." Deidara thought some more. "Okay, G…..I, R…….A…….F………..F……….E?" Deidara looked unconvincingly at Marisol.

"Yes! Yes, honey that's right!" Marisol beamed. "Oh my god, that is a tough word. I mean hello! All those silent letters! Alright, this next question will be an easier one. "How many eggs are in one dozen? Marisol asked. Deidara thought for a moment.

"Eggs….one dozen…its' not one…..yeah…" Deidara thought out loud. "OH! 12!"

"YES!" Marisol was so happy.

Kakuzu and Kisame had even decided to work out their own study method. Kisame had decided to use a deadly jutsu on Kakuzu every time he missed an answer…..in order to emphasize the importance of getting all the answers correct. And on the flip side, Kakuzu took five dollars from Kisame each time that he got a wrong answer. It was a good deal, they were both learning a lot in a high risk situation.

"Hey Kisame, thanks for helping me with my stress coping mechanisms! Putting me in these obviously life threatening jutsus make me relax as I answer the questions!" Kakuzu said thrilled.

Meanwhile, Itachi and Dana were still studying away. " Which state is known as the sunshine state, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Florida." Itachi answered.

"God, Itachi you could get in to one of those ivory crew colleges or something, yeah." Dana said mesmerized. Itachi smiled at her.

"Why don't I just get into you instead." Itachi asked her. Dana smiled all over.

"Okay, yeah!"

"Dude, we totally rock! I can't believe we discovered the categories of the game show! We will totally have an edge!" Zetsu said terribly excited.

"Alright, so the categories are religion, undersea life, art, plants of the world, Wall Street, Pop Culture, and grab bag." Hidan said.

"What's grab bag?" Zetsu asked.

"I think it's where they can just ask you pretty much anything." Hidan said.

"Shit, our luck Deidara will get that category and have to answer something about science, or sports, or….the French Revolution. Now that won't work." Zetsu said.

"Sasori!" Lola shouted as she threw her arms around him.

"Hey sweetie, you look beautiful. Come on I'll take your bags." Sasori picked up Lola's suitcases and brought her into the apartment.

"Oh my god! Hi Lola!" Marisol greeted her in all her blonde glory.

"You're…….here. Are….you helping them study for the game show?" Lola asked, trying so hard to not insult Marisol.

"Yes! Oh my god Lola! Deidara is like so smart. We've been reviewing stuff….he knew that bananas grew on trees!" Marisol praised him. Lola didn't say anything at first.

"That's….great!" Lola said hesitantly.

"Come on Lola. You can unpack in my room." Sasori said leading her out of the living room.

"Sasori, I'm excited about helping you study. I'm sure you will do the very best. After all you are the brains of this group." Lola said dreamily. It didn't help the situation any because she had her arms wrapped around Sasori and so he was completely caught up in her beauty.

It was a good thing that Hidan and Zetsu had done some investigations. The game show was in one day and the time was limited for studying. Not to mention someone was going to have to get Tobi to study something besides 'Where's Waldo'. It was going to be a challenge, Itachi kept getting sidetracked with Dana. Deidara….was being Deidara. Kisame and Kakuzu had made a little progress, Zetsu and Hidan had been too busy investigating to study, which left Sasori who hadn't even started yet.

Akatsuki needs to get started. The Orochimaru team would kick their asses if they didn't get hitting the books.


	3. Chapter 3 Lola's Makeover

"Oh my god! We know their line up! We know who Orochimaru is going to have on their team!" Hidan proclaimed. The studying stopped long enough to hear the line up of Orochimaru's contestants.

"Alright, alright. He's playing Tayuya, Kidoumaru, Jiroubou, Sakon, Kabuto, Kimimaro, Sasuke and himself. Now listen, we have me, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Itachi and Tobi. We need to determine who can beat who. I know for a fact that I am smarter than Sakon, so I should probably go up against him." Hidan had definitely done his homework.

"Well, we all know Itachi will want to cream Sasuke's ass." Kisame said. "And I can take Kimimaro."

"I think we should pair Tobi up with Jiroubou, that fat ass has nothing on our Tobi. I should take Kabuto, he's the toughest competition and I know how much Orochimaru loves microwave popcorn. Since Kabuto is his bitch, he will make Kabuto answer all the tough stuff." Sasori said as he wrote down complex chemistry formulas for Lola to check.

"Hmmmm, Zetsu should take on Kidoumaru. They went to grade school together and Kidoumaru used to pee his pants when he got nervous." Itachi said calmly as he worked on his hair. He didn't seem concerned that the little brother was his opponent."

"God, I love blackmail." Sasori said.

"Wait, we can't let Deidara go up against Orochimaru, we'll lose for sure." Kisame said.

"Yes we will, that's why he needs to be paired up with Tayuya. He's got so much dirt on her she'll freak out just knowing she has to be in the same room as him. Put Kakuzu against Orochimaru. Trust me Orochimaru isn't THAT smart." Itachi said.

"Dude, what in the world does Deidara have on Tayuya." Hidan was curious.

"Oh, this is some good shit trust me. She used to be a total whore…Deidara knows everything about her simply because on of his friends used to sleep with her." Itachi smiled wickedly, they hated it when he did that because it usually meant that someone was going to get hurt.

"Alright, well at least we know their line up. Now someone go help Tobi, he's been studying the same damn Mad Libs book for the past two hours now." Kakuzu said.

Meanwhile, in the horrid underground lair of Orochimaru in the sound country…..

"Kabuto! Oh my god! I'm not going to wear these stupid team t-shirts to the game show! Itachi will definitely kill me." Sasuke said. He held up the wretched shirt. Printed on the front of it was 'Team Orochimaru and on the back 'Float like a butterfly bite like a snake'. It was a completely stupid shirt. Kabuto had designed it.

"Sasuke! We have to be a team united! Come on it will be fun!" Sasuke was so easily persuaded, he immediately tried on the terrible shirt…..it was light purple. Tayuya and Jiroubou were giving each other questions about insect life in the other room while Orochimaru was brushing up on his ancient Middle Eastern history.

"Alright, Sakon. You're doing fine. Remember Akatsuki has some stupid members so you should be fine. The next question is an audio question. What is the title of this song." Kimimaro played a brief excerpt. Sakon thought for a moment. He sighed. "I don't know Kimimaro."

"Sakon! Come on! Kool and the Gang! Celebration! You should know that, you were so drunk New Year's Eve when you were dancing to that!" Sakon sighed again.

"I'm sorry, I'm not good with the audio questions."

"Oh my god! You two have to quit playing Guitar Hero! That is NOT going to help us win the game show!" Kabuto scolded Tayuya and kidoumaru.

"Hey! We went through that one pregnancy book….'What to Expect When You're Expecting'. We know everything about how to be pregnant. We're taking a break!" Kidoumaru snapped. Kabuto rolled his eyes.

"Right, like there's really going to be a question about that. He at least try on your t-shirts." Kabuto said still passing out the terrible shirts.

Back in the Akatsuki apartment, things were going much smoother.

"You know I could like so never win one of those game shows." Marisol told Dana as she Dana and Lola sat by the pool.

"I know, I would get so nervous, yeah. I would like miss the first question or something. Lola! Have you ever been on a game show?"

"No, but I did have to take GMAT and an entrance exam to work on my doctoral degree." Lola said. Dana's brain was on the verge of a meltdown as was Marisol's.

"What's that, yeah?" Dana asked.

"It's a standardized test for those interested in a business degree. You have to pass it to be admitted into business school."

"Oh my god! One time, I took one of those 'what's your sex style tests'….I did really well on it." Marisol said.

"Oh my god! You mean that one that was in the September issue of ELLE, yeah?" Dana asked.

"YES!" Marisol was so easily excited.

"Good stuff!" Dana said. Lola was kind of speechless at this point. She didn't fit in with these girls….as hard as she tried she would just never fit in.

"Hey um….Marisol? You do stuff with hair right?" Lola asked hesitantly.

"Yeah! I can do all kinds of stuff with hair!" Marisol said happily.

"Well…..do you think you could help me do my hair for the game show. You know, I want to look nice." Marisol slammed her magazine down and spun around to face Lola.

"I would like so love to help you!" Marisol was delighted. She immediately started messing with Lola's hair. Fortunately Lola had a lot of long auburn hair to work with…it would keep Marisol busy for a good hour.

"Lebanon! The Equator! A lion! Creamed corn!"

"NO TOBI! QUIT SCREAMING OUT ANSWERES THAT AREN'T RIGHT! LISTEN TO THE QUESTION!" Kakuzu was getting frustrated with Tobi, after 2 hours of studying, he had only gotten 6 questions correct.

"I'm sorry Kakuzu, it's just that I get so nervous when you ask the questions. I love microwave popcorn and I really want to win this contest! I just feel so much pressure when the questions are asked….I'm scared!" Tobi said sadly.

"It's okay Tobi, I know you want the popcorn. When the questions are asked, just relax and try to listen to all of the question before you say anything. You'll be fine." Kakuzu tried to reassure him. Tobi sighed.

"Alright but….the popcorn is very distracting." Meanwhile back at Marisol's beauty makeover, Dana watched in delight as Marisol styled Lola's beautiful auburn hair.

"Oh my god, are you like so ready to see it?" Marisol said with blue eyes sparkling.

"Yes, I want to see it." Lola said. She was actually really excited to see this. Marisol thrust a mirror in front of Lola's face. "Oooooh Marisol. It's so pretty!" Lola said. Marisol had put loads of curls into Lola's hair making her simply irresistible. Marisol squealed in delight at the fact that Lola liked her hair.

"Oh I just knew you would love it! You know, I work on Deidara's hair like all the time. He always loves it when I dry it for him." Marisol said.

"Wow….I…I just could never do this. It's so pretty. Sasori is going to love it." Lola said dreamily.

"Oh it is like so easy to do! Here I'll show you the steps." Marisol was delighted to show her how to fix her hair for the game show debut. After all, Lola wanted to lose some of her business suit look and go for something a little more feminine.

The time was currently 6:40. It was time to pick out clothes for the game show. The next day would come quickly…

Okay, sorry for that slow update. I have been so slammed lately.


	4. Chapter 4 Round 1

"Oh my god! Deidara give me that fucking flat iron before I kick your ass. Look I have frizz because of the humidity…GIVE IT TO ME NOW DUMB ASS!"

"Would you please relax, yeah? We have plenty of time until we have to get out of this dressing room. I'm almost done I only have three more….AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH! I WASN'T DONE WITH THAT YEAH!" Deidara was upset that the flat iron had been stripped from his hands.

"Oh my god! Look at the sign I made to hold up tonight if they win!" Marisol said showing the sign to Lola.

"Um…Marisol? That sign has your phone number on it." Lola said completely puzzled.

"Yeah, I was going to put my bra size but I thought this was better…that way Deidara can call me after the game show!" Marisol squealed. Lola didn't say anything for a moment.

"Marisol…..haven't' you and Deidara been together for like 7 months? Doesn't he already know both of those things?" she asked. Marisol thought for a moment.

"Oooooooooh. You know, I never thought of that but you are so right." Lola shook her head in disbelief. However, Dana's sign read 'Itachi, we're supposed to pick up margarita mix and the latest issue of Vogue on our way back home'. Lola assumed that those two had gotten together to make those signs…

"Hey this thing starts in 5 minutes and Deidara and Itachi STILL aren't ready. We really need to make those two get a grip. From now on each of them have 20 minutes to get ready….not an hour." Kisame said.

"Oh….My……God! You are so mean to me Itachi, yeah! First you totally fuck up my hair because you rip the flat iron out of my hand. Now, you totally STEAL my orange Dolce and Gabbana shirt, yeah! I was so going to wear that, yeah!"

"Deidara, wear something else look how good I look in this." Itachi said.

"But I was going to wear THAT because Marisol so got that half price at Saks, yeah!" Deidara argued.

"Seriously half price?" Itachi said surprised.

"I know can you believe it, yeah!"

"That reminds me, we so have to use those 150 dollar Saks gift cards 'The Leader' gave us for Christmas. I mean they expire in one year." Deidara shook his head in agreement.

"We totally need to go this weekend, yeah. Oh my god! We could look for new swimwear, yeah!" This lovely conversation was interrupted by Zetsu.

"Oh my god! Would you two get the hell out here! The show is going to start and you two have done nothing but bitch for the last 5 minutes!" Zetsu said angrily.

And so, everyone was ready for the game show to begin and they took their places on the stage before the tacky theme song music began to play. The audience clapped and a hidden announcer made the opening comments.

"Ladies and gentleman. Please join me in welcoming our host on today's Quiz Show….Tsunade of the Hidden Leaf Village! She's everyone's favorite blonde who loves sake and gambling! Rumor has it that she and Orochimaru are friends! Ladies and gentleman….Tsunade!" The audience clapped again.

"Thank you, thank you." Tsunade took a sip of sake. "I would like to introduce to you tonight the teams that will be playing for the prize of a year supply of microwave popcorn. First, team Orochimaru! Featuring the snake Sannin himself Orochimaru! The Uchiha prodigy Sasuke, the obese henchman Jiroubou, the two-headed freak Sakon, Spderman Kidoumaru, the man who gives boner a whole new meaning Kimimaro, the girl power of the group Tayuya, and Orochimaru's bitch Kabuto!"

"Hey!" Kabuto yelled after that last part.

"And playing for team Akatsuki, the sexier of the Uchihas, Itachi!, More brains than braun, Sasori! The man with gills and a salt-water fetish Kisame! He has the ability to photosynthesize, Zetsu! The blonde who has more fun Deidara! He's got money in the bank Kakuzu! Religious and proud of it, Hidan! And he's the ultimate cheerleader, Tobi!"

In the audience, Dana and Marisol screamd their heads off while Lola clapped politely.

"Now for some official rules. Each team picks a player who will start the round and then determines a playing order. The playing order must be maintained unless a lightning round occurs in which case you may choose your unknown wild card player or any other player for your team. The first team to win 30 points is the winner!" Tsunade was ready to begin the game show. "Teams, please select your first player." Both teams started whispering. Akatsuki watched to see who Orochimaru would choose to play first for their team. Kidoumaru was at the podium with the buzzer so it was obvious that Akatsuki's choice was Zetsu.

"Okay players, Kidoumaru would you tell us a bit about yourself?" Tsunade asked.

"Well, I think Hyuuga Neji is a bitch and my favorite food cheese."

"Um…thanks. Zetsu?" Tsunade redirected the attention.

"I'm Zetsu, I have no social life and few friends."

"Alright, let's get started there are 7 categories: Religion, undersea life, art, plants of the world, Wall Street, Pop Culture and grab bag. Kidoumaru, you are first to choose the category." Tsunade said.

"I would like plants of the world, Tsunade!" Tsunade took the fist question card. Zetsu got ready to hit the buzzer.

"This plant is commonly found in the desert. It is characterized by a thorny exterior and water can be found in it's center." Zetsu was too slow.

"A cactus!" Kidoumaru shouted as he slammed the buzzer.

"Damn it!" Zetsu was not pleased.

"That is correct! One point for team Orochimaru!" Naturally, Orochimaru's team went wild for the first point. "You next players please!" Tsunade announced. Akatsuki sent Itachi up to the podium.

"DON'T WORRY BABY YOU'LL GET THE ANSWER, YEAH!" Dana yelled. Team Orochimaru sent Sasuke up.

"Okay, Itachi would you care to tell us some things about yourself?" Tsunade had made a mistake giving Itachi the stage. He smiled and flipped onyx hair around his shoulders.

"Well, as you can see….I'm gorgeous. My girlfriend is amazingly hot and if you piss me off…..I can totally fuck with your mind if you look into my eyes."

"O……k……..Sasuke."

"Um…..Itachi is my brother…..um….Orochimaru is a good teacher."

"God, like that's really an introduction!" Itachi yelled at Sasuke.

"Okay, okay Itachi would you please choose a category." Tsunade said ending things before they escalated into a sibling argument.

"I want pop culture, Tsunade." Itachi said.

"Okay, this French fashion designer made her debut in the late 1960's. Her perfume today is one of the most sought after perfumes for women." Itachi slammed the buzzer.

"COCO CHANEL!" he yelled. Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Take that BITCH OF A BROTHER!" of course Itachi had to follow that comment up with a finger snap. Sasori rolled his eyes.

"See, why is he not gay?" Sasori whispered to Hidan.

"Alright, now the score is 1 to 1, teams please select your next contestants." Tsunade moved the game along. "Next players!" Tobi and Jiroubou stepped up to the podium.

"Hi I'm Tobi! I LOVE Akatsuki and it's my favorite group EVER! Deidara is the coolest partner/friend EVER! And…"

"Okay Tobi thanks." Tsunade cut the overly excited Tobi off.

"I'm Jiroubou and I'M TAKING THE SUBWAY CHALLENGE!" Orochimaru's team cheered for him. "I've already lost 6 pounds."

"Jiroubou would you please select a category."

"I'll take undersea life Tsunade!" Jiroubou shouted.

"Alright, this deep sea predator has a beak and catches it's prey with tentacles." There was a long pause. Jiroubou slammed his hand on the buzzer.

"Squid!"

"That's right and with a score of team Orochimaru 2 Akatsuki 1 we'll continue play after these brief messages!"


	5. Chapter 5 Round 2

Hey everyone! This will probably be my last update for about a week. I'm leaving on vacation and I won't be updating anything for two weeks.

"Alright! I'm ready for the next contestants. It was Hidan's turn and he would be facing Sakon.

"Hey Tsunade! I'm Hidan. I'm devoted to my religion and enjoy the outdoors!"

"Well, I'm Sakon I have a limited social life because I have two heads and I really want to win this microwave popcorn for our movie nights."

"Tsunade! I'll help you out! I would like the religion category!" Hidan said.

"Very well, this religious holiday is typically celebrated by using eggs, baskets, and bunnies."

"OH! Easter!" Hidan shouted.

"That's correct!" Tsunade said. Hidan cheered for his own correct answer because he had tied the score.

"Oh please, please, please, please let me go next, yeah!" Deidara begged.

"Fine." Sasori said shoving him towards the podium. Tayuya walked forward.

"Oh my god Dana, I am like soooo nervous right now. I hope Deidara gets this right." Marisol said.

"Hold up the sign Marisol, yeah!" Dana encouraged. So Marisol held up the sign with her phone number.

"Oh my god, am I on TV right now, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Uh….yeah." Tsunade answered sipping on sake.

"Aaaaaaggggghhhhhh! I want to say hi to my mom and my dad and to Marisol my girlfriend who is so sitting in the audience, yeah. Oh my god! She brought that sign with her phone number on it! And Hi Dana! My favorite sister who is also here today and I also want to say hi to Calvin Klein and everyone at the Dior boutique and also….."

"DEIDARA!" Tayuya cut him off

"Oh, did I go too far, yeah?"

"You are so…..never mind. I'm Tayuya Tsunade, I'm hot and ready for anything and most of all…we are going to win today!" Deidara laughed.

"Tsunade, would you like to know what I know about Tayuya, yeah?"

"Not really, Tayuya pick a category."

"Thanks Tsunade, no matter what Deidara says I DID NOT get a citation from a police officer for having sex in a public place with one of his friends…oh and I want the grab bag category."

"Very well, this bird is commonly known for its impressive tail feathers, deep blue color, and relatively small size."

"Aaaaaagggghhhhhhhh! A PEACOCK!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god! We have three points, yeah!!!!!!"

" God, he thinks they are going to win." Tayuya said walking away from the podium disgusted.

"Yes, Akatsuki 3 team Orochimaru 2." Tsunade announced the score. Next up was Kisame. He would go against Kimimaru.

"Yeah Kisame! You show his ass!" Zetsu cheered him on.

"Alright! Wooo! I'm Kisame I'm part fish and I'm a horrible basketball player!"

"Well Tsunade, I'm Kimimaru, Kabuto and I usually compete to see which one of us has the better body. Kabuto usually wins simply because he doesn't have bones that come out of him randomly."

"Hey, it's okay Kimimaru you know that I'll always…." Tayuya stopped she could feel Deidara's prying eyes on her.

"Alright, well Kimimaru I'm sure you'll win someday. Now Kisame would you please select a category?"

"Yes! I'll take undersea life! Because that's so much like me!" Kisame shouted.

"Sure…..here's the question…..this ocean mammal is the largest living animal on the planet,"

"Oh! The blue whale!" Kisame answered. Akatsuki cheered like crazy as Kisame ran back to his team. The score was 4 Akatsuki 2 team Orochimaru. Orochimaru's team was falling behind. Now it ws time for none other than Orochimaru and Kakuzu to battle it out.

"Well, Orochimaru you really don't need an introduction. Kakuzu on to you!

"Hey!" Orochimaru protested.

"Hi Tsunade! Hidan is my traveling partner and he drives me insane and I like Sasori's cooking."

"Tsunade, I would like the Wall Street category." Orochimaru said still pissed at Tsunade for not allowing him to do an introduction.

"What does the acronym FDIC protect against?" There was a hesitation.

"It protects investors money should a bank get robbed. It ensures that the funds in their accounts will be covered!" Orochimaru proudly announced. Tsunade was impressed.

"That is correct, Team Orochimaru 3, Akatsuki 4." Lola saw Sasori approaching the podium. Her sign had an advanced algorithm to remind him of the complex math problems they had practiced. Sasori winked at her. Before Tsunade could say anything Sasori started talking.

"Hi Tsunade, I'm Sasori, I'm 43 years old and thrilled to be here today."

"Oh yeah, well I'm Kabuto I'm 19 and single."

"Oh as if anyone would want to date you, yeah! Have you seen your glasses, yeah!? They're huge. That is not what you want to be huge, yeah!" Deidara shouted.

"Oh! BURN!" Itachi chimed in.

"Okay, okay, okay! Sasori choose the category." Tsunade said disgruntled. "God, how did I get stuck with this job." Tsunade mumbled under her breath as she sipped more sake.

"I'll take art, Tsunade." Sasori said with confidence.

"Very well, Edvard Munch created this painting as a form of expressionism which depicts a ghastly image."

"That would be 'The Scream' Tsunade!" Sasori proclaimed.

"Yes! 5 points Akatsuki, 3 points Team Orochimaru. Alright let's being round two. In round two I choose the categories and I select who plays against who. You may have 30 seconds to discuss a strategy with your teams." Tsunade said.

"Okay we're ahead. We have to keep this up or those dumb asses will come back and beat us. And, they like to trash talk don't let it get to you." Zetsu said to everyone.

"Hey, does my hair look okay, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Deidara you need to concentrate on getting the questions correct….not your hair!" Kisame scolded.

"Alright guys, we have to do better." Orochimaru coached. "That round kind of sucked ass."

"We need 2 more points to tie and we have to win by 2 points, so our goal score is 7." Kimimaru said.

"They think they are better than us….as if! God, we so own their asses." Kabuto said with confidence.

"Kabuto, you sound so gay when you talk trash." Tayuya said rolling her eyes.

"Alright teams time to resume. First questions go to Itachi and Orochimaru." Tsunade announced. Orochimaru swallowed hard. Itachi shot challenging eyes at Orochimaru.

"Tsunade, as you can see, you know just by looking at us, I take the word sexy to a whole new level and Orochimaru….well he doesn't." Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"Are you always like this?" Tsunade didn't really want an answer; she just wanted the game show to be over. "Okay, your topic is grab bag. This landmark is considered the oldest standing structure of the ancient world." Neither of them said anything, instead each of them stared at the other blankly. Finally, Orochimaru decided to guess.

"The Great Wall of China."

"No, I'm sorry. Itachi do you have a guess."

"Uh…the Space Needle?"

"No, the correct answer was the Pyramids of Egypt. No one scores."

"If you would have been out of Dana and in the books you would have gotten that right!" Sasori scolded as Itachi returned to his team.

"Oh whatever." Itachi said disgusted.

"Next to play will be Tobi and Tayuya!" Tsunade announced.

"Oh I got this!" Tayuya said confidently.

"Alright, your category will be Wall Street."

"God, we'll lose this round for sure." Kakuzu whispered to Hidan.

"Name the currency used in Canada." Tayuya's face lit up.

"The Canadian dollar!" she yelled.

"Yes! 4 points Team Orochimaru 5 points Akatsuki.

"Next to play will be Hidan and Sasuke. Alright, our category is undersea life. This living structure is found off the coast of Australia and is considered to be a rich marine habitat."

"That's the Great Barrier Reef, Tsunade." Sasuke answered.

"Correct, which leaves us with a tied score of 5 to 5. You will now have a chance to call on one of your wild card players to break the tie. But before that here's a special word from our many sponsors who made me host this damn show." Tsunade clearly was ready for another bottle of sake.


	6. Chapter 6 The showdown

"Well, do we use our wild card or not?" Sasori asked in a group consultation.

"I don't know, we may do better if one of us just answers the next question, really." Hidan said.

"Hey, hey, hey. Um, do you think my Sean John 'Unforgivable' fragrance is too strong, yeah?"

"Deidara, go to hell." Sasori said unamused.

"Fine! I'll ask Itachi, yeah."

"Oh my god. Marisol I have like never been this nervous….the score is so tied, yeah." Dana said fidgeting in her chair.

"I know! I hate ties they are like so stressful." Marisol said fanning herself off. Lola delighted in watching these two.

"You know, I look really good in orange…why don't I wear more orange? I mean god, look at me I not only have the hair for it but my skin, it's perfect for orange!" Itachi said not paying attention to the discussion at all.

"Oh my god Itachi! Shut the fuck up! We are trying to decide whether or not to use the wild card player!" Kakuzu shouted.

"You know, I think I left the flat iron plugged in today, yeah. I should go ask Marisol if she unplugged it."

"Deidara! I swear to god I am going to go puppet ape shit on you if you don't fucking FOCUS!" Sasori was more than pissed.

"Now wait, what do I have to do?"

"It's easy Tsunade asks you a question and you answer it correctly and you help us win the microwave popcorn." Tayuya explained to team Orochimaru's wildcard player.

"Do I get some of the popcorn?"

"We can work that out, please will you do this?" Orochimaru asked.

"Hmmmmm well you've pissed me off majorly in the past…but I do like popcorn. Yeah, okay whatever."

"Alright team Orochimaru, are you going to be using a wild card player?" Tsunade asked drinking more sake.

"Yes Tsunade! Our wild card player is Mitarashi Anko of the Hidden Leaf village!" Kabuto announced.

"Yeah, yeah, we've met. Akatsuki, what's going to be."

"Tsunade, seriously, we've selected Gaara, Kazekage of the sand country as our wildcard player." Hidan said.

"Alright, wildcard players it is up to you to break the tie. You topic is grab bag. Hawaii, the island state making up the 50 United states is famous for sun, surf and what else?"

"Oh! White sand beaches!" Gaara answered.

"Yes! Eat that! You all suck!" Kisame yelled at team Orochimaru. Of course Sakon flipped him off.

"What? I've never been to Hawaii." Anko said as Orochimaru glared at her.

"Alright, wild cards don't leave. We can either have another tie, or Akatsuki if you answer the next question correctly…you win the game. Anyone is able to answer this question and the category is pup culture. This American fashion designer boasts bold prints, nautical colors, was established in 1985, and now has a completely line of bedding for the home."

"AAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW THE ANSWER IT'S TOMMY HILFIGER! AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! WE WIN, YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Deidara was so happy, he grabbed Gaara and queezed him like crazy.

"Oh my god they wooooooooooon, yeah!" Dana yelled. Marisol hugged her. Lola stood up and winked at Sasori….enough was said with that.

"God, I can't believe they won, those stupid asses!" Jiroubou ranted. Orochimaru gritted his teeth. Sasuke simply tried to stay out of the whole loser ranting. It was a happy evening and it was certain that Tobi would be in heaven with the microwave popcorn. The game show had been a success for Akatsuki. Orochimaru may have been pissed and Deidara ruined Tayuya's reputation for good but all in all…..it was worth it.

Hey everyone! Sorry for the slow update, I was busy when I got back from vacation. Look for my next story coming soon Akatsuki and Sasuke's New Girl. Special thanks for Curo-Hatake1 for this new story idea!


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